Unable

To fit all these words into sentences and conversations. Cram as much meaning in as possible, that way you can be certain you didn’t forget anything important. The transition from absolutely nothing to symbolic representation is too much to type or write right now and it always will be. What the fuck is language anyway? do you realize how reliant you are on past connections and personal subjections? What is personal perspective when 99% of everything you know is based off of previous notions. How can I be original when my mind is full of knowledge that doesn’t belong to me. Borrowed time and borrowed thoughts full of borrowed words and well established concepts. Articulation changes as well as context, history accumulates and life develops; but there’s no way I will ever have an original thought when over 107 billion individual consciousnesses have existed before you or I.

-Nick Natoli

god and time and snow

 

we walked outside.

look at the trees man. and the sky. and the sun. the sun man.

the clouds. the mountains.

the snow man. the stars man. the way our breath creates clouds.

we are creators. every step we make in the snow is a mark we leave.

atleast until the snow melts. or more snow comes.

immortalized until time happens.

time is always happening.

look. there is god he says.

where. i ask.

everywhere he replies.

i laugh and hold my hands up to the heavens like the people in church do when they are worshipping staring at the screen with the words.

he copies me.

and before we know it. we are worshipping god in the trees and the clouds and the stars and snow and sun and clouds.

we close our eyes. nothing.

god is in nothing and in everything.

time happens.

we open our eyes and keep walking. in silence this time content to just enjoy the world around us.

 

create.

regardless of the process it is all just a combination of everything you have ever known and lived.

you cant step into my situation and create what i know because you would have to live my life to know what i know.

you cant listen and absorb what i say and know the thoughts inside my head.

every word is a culmination of my life.

every thought and idea is the child of every single thing i have ever experienced.

you think you know. and maybe you do.

but trust me. you dont.

the craziest thing about it all. is that every person has so many things that make them uniquely them self. but it is so easy for them to forget the things that set them apart from every human being that has ever existed.

this is a call to creativity. this is a call to putting down words even when you think they dont matter. this is a call to painting on a wall even if you think you cant paint. this is a call to believe that everything you ever create is different than anything anyone has ever done because that final product is the product to the life you have lived and your life is completely and uniquely your own. the combination of thoughts inside your head has never been combined in the same way inside the mind of any other human that has ever lived.

there is beauty in everything. look inside. dont be insecure. you are beautiful and unique and so perfectly you.

create.

losing touch

im losing touch with it all he said.

what do you mean i asked.

i am just becoming less and less tethered to the things that once held me down. i am floating in a void rising away from the ground. im losing touch with it all.

i watched as he slowly started to float towards the ceiling as if filled with helium. or maybe gravity didnt apply to him anymore.

i just want to be free of it all he said. i want to live without fear without insecurity without the crushing depression of adulthood. i want to disappear and have no one know where i am at or what i am doing.

his head was now lightly bumping against the ceiling.

i laughed though filled with sadness because i knew as soon as he was gone that i would never see my friend again. i went over to the window and opened it for him.

goodbye i said.

he didnt say anything but gave me one last look and was gone.

ants

watch them run.

i looked down and watched the ants scurrying all around me. climbing up my legs.

i jumped to a clear spot and brushed them off me. oops. missed one. get out of my pants ant.

he just laughed as he watched me dance around trying to get the ant of my pants.

hey man you have an ant in your pants.

and he laughed again much too my chagrin.

stop it fool i yelled. this just caused him to laugh louder.

you wouldnt be laughing if the ant was in your pants i said.

but it isnt he replied doubling his laughter yet again.

he then proceeded to get really serious. when he gets serious i get curious. insight or an interesting thought invariably follows. i listened

what do you think they think about you and i. do you think they can even comprehend us. what causes them to run up your leg and go in your pants and bother you. do you think that that is its goal. it sees your leg then runs for it to try and cause the greatest amount of irritation because you invaded his home or do you think he is curious and is wanting to explore this new terrain. is it a war or is it an exploration of new lands.

watch them run.

are they running because they are scared or happy. angry or curious. do they feel or are they just little computers with legs void of emotion and thought.

he stopped again.

are we just ants he asked. are we just running around not knowing if we are fighting or exploring. are we just computers with legs void of emotion and thought. if not now is that what we are becoming. are we running because we are scared or happy. angry or curious. are we just reactions to the stimuli around us.

i dont know man i reply. i dont want to think about it.

he gets quiet and doesnt say anything more.